I just want to let you all know what is going on with me at the moment. I have debated whether to say anything or not, but I just want to be honest.
As you all know I suffer with Selective Mutism. People with SM can also have depression.
Lately things have been quite hard and dark for me. My depression has got quite bad and I have been struggling.
I decided that I can’t record any videos for a while and I might not write as many blog posts whilst things are so difficult me. I want to be able to help people but I don’t feel able to do that when I am so mentally and emotionally ill.
I hope you all understand. I just wanted to let you all know why I might not be so active in some places anymore.
I hope things will get better at some point but right now that is how everything is.
Thank you for reading this.
A lot of people find it hard to understand SM. We are often seen as shy or rude.
I have been called all sorts of names by people my own age and teachers, mentors, safe guarders, etc. I remember once a safe guarder from college said to me ‘you’re not a baby’. The way she said it made it sound like she was trying to convince herself, not me. I was hurt that she saw me like that. I am a very sensitive person and I can get emotional and teary as a result. It isn’t my fault. Whenever I saw this safe guarder more often than not I got the impression she was trying to get rid of me as fast as she could so she could help other people. She didn’t seem to take my problems seriously. She wasn’t always like this. When I first met her she was nice and supportive but it changed over time.
This same safe guarder also tried to push me to say thank you to someone. She was telling me ‘say thank you’ over and over again like I was a child who needed to learn manners. What she didn’t realise was I desperately wanted to be able to say thank you but even those two little words were difficult for me. A lot of people with SM also find it hard to say words like please and thank you. It is also hard to say peoples names. We really want to be able to but it is just so hard for us. We are not rude. A lot of us are actually kind and emphatic. We are also good listeners.
We are not bad people but sometimes people label us like we are and we shouldn’t be bothered with.