My parents relationship

People sometimetimes say ‘would you like the kind of relationship your parents have?’ For some of us maybe we say yes. But for others the answer may be no.

Personally for me my answer would be no. Ever since I was younger my parents have always argued lots. The arguments have been so bad that I’ve always worried about my parents splitting up and getting divorced. It has always been very difficult. My mum has never left my dad because she has been thinking of me, my brother and sisters. She has never wanted to put us through something like that.

My dad is usually the one that starts the arguments and he always seems to find something to argue about. He can be very intimidating. My mum mostly just puts up with it all somehow. 

I try to distract myself and I sometimes put on headphones to drown out the noise of the shouting.

Because of all this I don’t know what a happy marriage is really like. I can only read about it in books and watch movies and things about it. I don’t have any real life experience of what a happy marriage is actually like.

It makes me feel sad for my mum because she has just put up with it all for so many years. That seems like a big sacrifice.

I don’t want my life to be like that. I like to imagine there is someone special out there for me. I hope that there is.

I know in most marriages there are probably some arguments and misunderstandings but I don’t want to have anything as bad as my parents.

It is funny how just from looking at my parents people just assume that everything is all okay and the way it should be. But it isn’t. It’s just my parents acting and pretending. But it isn’t real.

It’s true that no one really knows what happens behind closed doors. People can change and act differently. It’s only the people inside the house that really knows what is going on and notices things.

It is horrible growing up knowing what is happening but not being able to say or do anything. Each new day is difficult and you’re always wondering what might happen and what could happen.

I wish that I hadn’t had to experience any of this. I used to think it was my fault for being born and tying my mum down, but I know it isn’t really. At least I have my brother and sisters. I know we wouldn’t exist otherwise. I still wish I could have had parents that truly love each other and make each other happy. But I didn’t get so lucky.

I like to imagine my life will be different and I might get lucky. I just have to wait and see what the future holds for me.

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Life Update

I realised I haven’t posted in months now so I just want to say a quick hello and let you all know I am still here. This year has been difficult for me. I’ve been struggling with my depression and I’m still spending a lot of time at home. My Grandad suddenly passed away in March and I’ve been missing him lots. It’s the first time I’ve lost a grandparent and I wasn’t prepared for it at all. I’ve started to see a social worker because I want to move out of my family home and I need some help with that, or to at least know what my options are. I’m going to meet my advocate for the first time next week. An advocate is someone who can help represent my views and wishes.

Anyway, I’m sorry it’s been such a long time since I’ve posted but it’s just been a difficult year so far. I will try to post occasionally if I can.