When I think of the word Christmas I have mixed feelings. I like Christmas but at the same time it can be a hard day for me. 

I find it hard because there are people watching me opening presents, waiting for my reaction. I try to smile and act happy but it is hard. I am grateful for all the gifts I receive but it is hard for me to show it. I think other people with SM feel the same.

I want to be happy but the truth is neither depression or anxiety take a day off, even if it Christmas. I can’t just choose what day to be happy. It doesn’t work like that.

But I will try my best to have a nice Christmas this year, just like every other year. 

I find myself reflecting a lot on this past year. I volunteered at a charity shop, left, and now I have just started volunteering at a new charity shop. It is like a new beginning. Also this year I started recording videos of myself speaking about SM on YouTube. I created a Facebook group and did some live videos. And I started blogging here. I am very grateful to everyone that has supported me this year. 

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas. For those of you who struggle, I hope you get through the day okay.